When you're leading a group of people, it's inevitable for conflict to arise. What complicates it even more with teenagers is the fact that most of them have never been taught how to deal with conflict. Their models were: screaming, talking but not listening, pretending nothing is wrong and my favorite one...sweeping it under the rug.
Every youth worker MUST learn how to deal with conflict in their ministry. If you don't, conflict will eventually kill your group.
I remember talking to a pastor friend about conflict in which he said to me, "These are the conversations we get paid to have. Most of our job, as pastors, is enjoyable and fulfilling so we gotta get paid to do SOMETHING uncomfortable every once in a while!"
It's almost shocking to see how much conflict arises in ministry AND how often people come to us so we'll fix it...even if it doesn't involve us.
So, here are a couple things I've learned about dealing with conflict before it kills:
1. DO IT QUICKLY - if you don't deal with it fast, you'll start to see it affect the morale of your entire ministry. And as the overseer/pastor, it's your job to call it out quickly and start taking the proper steps to see it handled well. Don't be afraid...they're only teenagers. If you don't deal with it quick, expect to see it on many Facebook status updates that will include more and more people and lead to LOTS of gossip.
2. WITHIN CHEEK SLAPPING DISTANCE - face to face is the best way to go (if you can). Get whoever is involved and make them talk it out in person. That leaves no room for gossip to creep in. It's amazing how grace abounds in situations where people are ready to throw down with one another...and all because they met face to face.
3. LET GO OF CONTROL - when we ask God to help us deal with conflict in our ministry, He will...but it still might not be pretty. Free will is dangerous and abused often. So, remember that you can only do your part in the process. Let people that aren't willing to do their part leave your church...you'll be better off in the long run even if people think you're a jerk for not doing everything you can to make them happy (especially Christians). There are too many people going to hell because they don't know Jesus so let's focus on that mission instead of getting wrapped up in a game that we can't win or control.
Jesus wasn't afraid to deal with conflict head on. We've got the same power backing us via the Holy Spirit! So the question is...
What conflict do you need to deal with right now? Get on it!
